


Number Three

by Greyescale



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-29
Updated: 2013-12-03
Packaged: 2018-01-02 23:02:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1062691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greyescale/pseuds/Greyescale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek wants to reach over, squeeze his knee, take his hand, and tell him he doesn’t have to do this anymore, but he knows Stiles will only stay the night and in the morning he’ll be gone again. He also knows if Stiles were in his position he would crack jokes and try to make Derek forget, make him feel better and he would. But Derek doesn’t know how to do that, doesn’t know how to make someone smile when everything in the universe is doing all it can to drag the corners of his mouth down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Seriously, Speed-Dial, Dude

**Author's Note:**

> I was given the prompt, "Begin a story with 'Why didn't you call me?'" for school. Angst happened.
> 
>  
> 
> Usually I write longer things and I had intended to, but then my teacher told me my max was 5 pages. Hum. So unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine! This features depression, but nothing too graphic! 
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy.

“Why didn’t you call me?” Derek eases the Camaro up next to Stiles on the side of the road taking in his haggard appearance.

"Didn’t feel like dialing the numbers.” Stiles shrugs, wincing when his muscles protest.

“Speed-dial. I should be on it.” Derek gets out of his car to lead Stiles inside. His eyes catch on the red marks marring Stiles pale, creamy skin. “Do you even know the name of who it was this time?”

“Please don’t say it like that,” Stiles whispers. He slumps in the passenger seat and Derek watches him for a bit. His amber eyes are heavy and the weight of the world rests on his shoulders. “Can you just take me home? And forget this night ever happened?”

Derek can hear the implication of Stiles wanting to forget the night ever happened, not the other way around.

“You don’t like doing this, so why do you?” Derek leans against Stiles’ car door raising his eyebrows.

Stiles slumps back even further, head tilted against the headrest and eyes closed. “Why do you care? It doesn’t even affect you.”

“You look like the most ashamed guy in all of California. And you’re my friend.”

“You have shitty taste in friends if I’m one of them.”

Derek shuts the door and gets in his side, putting a hand on the gear shift- if he would move his hand just slightly he could squeeze Stiles’ knee.

“Just drive,” Stiles mutters, eyes still closed and Derek wonders if he’s exhausted- every night of this can’t possibly allow for a good night’s rest.

He shifts the Camaro back into drive and starts off on a slow even pace, the trees going by slow enough he can tell they’re trees, but fast enough he can’t see each individual leaf.

“Do you know what it’s like to be unwanted? Undesirable?” Stiles asks after they’ve been driving for a few minutes. Derek doesn’t answer because Stiles doesn’t want him to. “Because I do. I know what it’s like to be treated like I’m nothing but a convenience. And it hurts. It hurts more than anything.” His eyes are open now and vaguely glassy.

Derek continues gazing at the road, he does know what it’s like to not be wanted. Knows it too well after the fire and everything that went with that, but he’s come back from it and he’s stronger, better. If things were different- if Stiles wasn’t so broken- he would mention Stiles makes himself the convenience, but he doesn’t. He just stays silent. He’s good at that. Silence.

“Nights like these...they remind me I’m human. They remind me that I can feel and even though they leave me feeling even more empty, they’re something. Something I haven’t felt in a long time...or it feels like a long time between each.” Stiles lets his eyes flutter shut when hot tears threaten to fall. He picks up his fist and drops it back down with a heavy, thick sounding sigh. “I don’t want to do this anymore, I never wanted to do this, but...but I have to.”

Derek wants to reach over, squeeze his knee, take his hand, and tell him he doesn’t have to do this anymore, but he knows Stiles will only stay the night and in the morning he’ll be gone again. He also knows if Stiles were in his position he would crack jokes and try to make Derek forget, make him feel better and he would. But Derek doesn’t know how to do that, doesn’t know how to make someone smile when everything in the universe is doing all it can to drag the corners of his mouth down.

“Have you talked to Scott recently?” Derek questions and immediately regrets it when Stiles laughs bitterly.

“Have I-? No. Okay? No.” Stiles shakes his head. “I don’t have friends anymore, I have nothing. Why don’t you understand that?”

“I’m your friend,” Derek mutters. “Right?”

Stiles bites a knuckle till the skin is indented. “Pull over. Please just pull over.” His voice cracks at the end and Derek’s heart breaks a little. “Just let me out and go back to your life and just- just forget me please.”

Derek doesn’t pull over, he just glares at the road and continues driving, the speed continuously slow and the purr of the engine filling the silence. Stiles lets the tears fall beside him, but Derek doesn’t stop the car and pull Stiles against him like every fiber of his being is demanding. He wants to show him how completely full of worth he is and how absolutely amazing he is, if only he would just open his eyes and see.

But he doesn’t. He just steadily drives and with each passing moment he gets closer to his apartment, closer to Stiles leaving. Closer to having to say goodbye.

“Don’t,” he says suddenly, surprising himself. He snaps his mouth shut and Stiles looks at him.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t give up,” Derek mumbles. “Promise me you won’t give up.”

“Why do you even care?” Stiles asks again.

“Because, as the Eleventh Doctor said, ‘My experience is that there is, you know, surprisingly, always hope’.” Derek doesn’t expect Stiles to grin a little at his reference, but when he does it makes Derek infinitely happier than he was before.

“Hope doesn’t make everything better, it just drags out the pain,” Stiles retorts and just like that the crushing sadness and anger Derek felt before is back.

“You’re wrong,” he snaps. “Absolutely wrong. Hope for the future was the only thing that kept me going for years. Goddamit, Stiles! I can’t hold on for you!”

“Then let go,” Stiles states with so much finality Derek does slam on the brakes.

“No! I will not ‘let go’ because you think you’re not good enough because some people who don’t matter call you the wrong name because,” Derek’s voice gets softer. “Because you’ve let all the things society tells you to become truths.”

Stiles looks at him with an impossible amount of pain. “I just want to feel again.”

Derek wants to tell him he’s going to fix him and he wants to tell him he’s going to make it all better, but he can’t. He can’t fix Stiles. All he can do is provide a place to stay after nights like this. Like he does every time Stiles does this.

“And I don’t want another therapist. And I want Scott to talk to me again. And-” his words catch in his throat. “And I want a lot of things I can’t have.”

Derek starts driving again and he hums softly, not knowing what to say even though he knows what it feels like to not have a family anymore.

They end up back at his apartment and Stiles looks up at it quietly. “My mom died today eleven years ago.”

“Oh,” Derek whispers because what else can he say? “I’m sorry.”

“It’s whatever.” Stiles shrugs. “At least she didn’t have to live to see her only kid end up a huge failure.”

“You’re not a failure,” Derek insists. “Come on.” He leads Stiles up to his apartment and lets him use his shower. He lets Stiles sleep in his bed too, but he doesn’t even try to sleep on the couch or the guest bedroom.

Instead he sits at his kitchen counter with a mug of black coffee and tired eyes and he thinks. He thinks about Laura and his family and everything he never did and all the people he couldn’t save. But he doesn’t reach the point of no return again, he can finally think about them and not feel like he’s drowning.

He goes and stands in the doorway of his bedroom and he watches Stiles sleep fitfully. “I care because you’re worth so much more than this.” And then he picks up Stiles’ phone and puts his number on speed-dial. “And I think somewhere deep down you know you’re worth more too.”


	2. Don't Be Falling in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles starts to feel again, but not the way Derek wants him to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy things happen in the next and final chapter! Sorry everything is so short, I want to write more but my constraints prevent me from doing so!

Derek did all he could to just make Stiles stay. With him. But in the end Stiles left like he always does.

He leaves Derek a folded up piece of paper that just says ‘sorry’ because he thinks Derek is angry at him for needing human contact and something that resembles love. Because he thinks Derek is angry at him for leaving. Because he doesn’t understand Derek isn’t angry at him at all. He doesn’t understand that Derek just wants Stiles to be able to live to again.

Scott comes over a week after it happens with news.

“Lydia’s back,” he says. “She’s back and she went out with Stiles last night.”

“That’s nice,” Derek replies quietly. He has his back to Scott while he works on the porch of his new house. The one that’s going in on a different plot of land, but on the same property as his old house.

Scott hesitates for a moment. “Are you alright?”

Half of Derek wants to tell Scott just how not alright he is, but the other half, the greater half just puts down his hammer and mutters, “I’m fine.”

Scott leaves a few moments later and Derek waits till he can’t hear his car engine anymore and lets out a howl. Everything aches and he thinks maybe he should just leave the almost finished house as is and run back to New York. Things made more sense there anyway.

But he doesn’t. He picks his hammer back up and keeps building the house that his wolf whispers is for his mate. Derek doesn’t have the heart to tell, well himself, that his mate doesn’t want him back.

***

Derek half hoped Lydia would go on a few dates with Stiles, get him back on his feet and then go back to Jackson. But she doesn’t. She stays and she moves in with Stiles. And Derek keeps building his house until his fingers bleed and his heart aches worse and worse each night.

And it doesn’t really settle in until Derek is out at the grocery store and he sees Lydia and Stiles there. He has his hands on the handle and she has her arm threaded through his with her head on his shoulder. Laughing about something Derek doesn’t want to hear. Stiles looks up and his smile slides off his face with a sort of catch-breath in his throat. Derek watches him for a moment, not long enough for Lydia to notice who has her eyes closed and then he moves on. Physically.

He goes home that night and runs around the forest the entire night. Eventually ending up near Laura’s grave. Sitting on the cold ground, like her body was after Peter destroyed it. He knows his sister would give him hell for not just snatching Stiles up at the first opportunity. But she would also comfort him and send Stiles death glares for the next eight weeks.

“Hey, Laura,” Derek mumbles when he feels like he has a voice again. “You know, when I first met Stiles I figured he was the worst thing to ever happen to me. But now...now I’m not so sure.” He lays back and can just see the sliver of the moon through the trees overhead. “And I think he’s finally getting happy again and isn’t that all I should want? Is for him to be happy? Because I don’t think I am. Lydia is great, but she’s...she’s not me.” Derek stands up and with a horribly sad sigh he says it. “I’m selfish aren’t I? I’ve always been selfish. I let him slip through my own fingers, I’ve got no one else to blame, but me and I blame him.”

Derek stands there wishing Laura was still around to tell him what to do. Cora wouldn’t know and she’s off gallivanting around the globe with Isaac even if he would talk to her. Eventually he gives it up and goes back to his apartment.

***

Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad if he could find someone who wanted him as much as Lydia wants Stiles. Maybe if he could fall for someone not criminally insane and stop looking like such a sour wolf. (his heart aches a little more when he thinks that)

Except he’s not looking to be with “hot, single parents in your area!” He’s looking for someone who already knows what he is and accepts him for it. He’s looking for a lifelong partner that knows his life story and everything about him. Someone who balances him out.

He doesn’t realize he’s retreating from society again until Scott comes by the now finished house and asks him where he’s been.

“You’re not alright,” Scott mentions. “You haven’t been alright since I told you Lydia’s back.”

“I’m fine,” Derek grits out.

“Really? How long has it been since she’s been back, Derek?”

“Few months.”

“A _year_ , Derek. A whole year has passed you by because you’ve been out here brooding on your ass!” Scott shouts. “Because you can’t come to the reality that Stiles doesn’t love you back!”

Derek turns and rams Scott up against the nearest tree. “I don’t love him!”

Scott shakes his head sadly, well, as well as he can with Derek’s forearm shoved across his throat. “How long have you been telling yourself that?”

Derek glares at Scott until he knows the heat behind it has faded and then puts him down. “I let him go.”

“What?”

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to, it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it was never yours to begin with,” Derek whispers, not meeting Scott’s eyes.

Scott doesn’t snort like Derek expects him to. Instead his eyes get soft and sad and he puts a hand on Derek’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

***

Looking back Derek knows he had a million different chances to make Stiles stay with him. A thousand different things he never said. A hundred stories he never shared. It makes him burn and itch and it makes New York seem like a better and better solution.

And he wonders if Lydia’s number is now where his was on speed-dial. Stiles number has been on speed-dial on the number 3 slot because Laura’s will always be number 2, even if it’s not a number in use anymore.

He picks up his phone and his thumb hovers over the button to remove it but he doesn’t press down. His vision swims with the thought of it. And it occurs to him too late that he may have changed the number over the past year. He wouldn’t know. He hasn’t heard anything from Stiles since that note. The one that’s falling apart, but he keeps it in his wallet anyway. He thinks he might be a masochist. Or just horribly heartbroken.

***

Six months later Lydia has a sparkly new diamond ring on her finger and a date picked out for six months from now.

Six months later Derek has to accept that Stiles is the one that got away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr](http://arsebuttock.tumblr.com)


	3. It's Everything I Can't Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years is an awful long time, but Derek's waited longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the end of this short story! The end is happy and leaves room for follow up parts, so we shall see! But I will also stick to writing in Derek's point of view, I understand him much better!
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy.

Scott rubs Stiles shoulders as he braces himself to walk out to the altar and marry the love of his life.   
  
“This is it, man.” Scott grins. “She’ll be there soon.”   
  
If someone would have told Stiles twelve years ago that he was going to be marrying Lydia, his childhood crush, he would have wholeheartedly agreed with them. If they would have asked him eight years ago he would have shook his head and told them they were crazy. If someone were to ask him today he would grin and point at his tuxedo. How he managed her, he’s not entirely sure, but he wouldn’t change it for the world.

“Good luck, bro.” Scott pats Stiles on the back, pumping him up, but something in his eyes leads him to believe Scott isn’t entirely on board for his marrying Lydia.

He walks in with Scott and the priest, taking his place at the altar. He tries to ignore the gaping hole where both of his parents should be and neither one actually is. Allison walks down the aisle and takes her place across from them as the wedding march begins and everyone stands up. Stiles glances at Allison before the doors open and the look on her face puzzles him too.

Stiles swears his stomach falls out of his body when Lydia walks in wearing a navy blue dress and not carrying flowers. She smiles gently at him walking quickly without her father. Everyone is standing and looking to one another, hoping someone has an answer and suddenly Stiles feels very alone.

“Stiles, can I talk to you?” she gestures to the door and oh- that was the look.

He lets her lead him away from the altar and the prying eyes of everyone in there. He can only imagine what people are thinking now. Everything is completely ruined. And he only blames himself.

“What’s going on? Why are you-?” he questions shaking his head nervously.

“Stiles,” she says and she takes his hand, cautiously like they haven’t been together for two years. “I can’t marry you.”

“No. What. Why? What did I do? I’ll fix it,” Stiles swears. “Is this about Jackson? Because he left, Lydia, and I don’t think he’s coming back.”

“No, honey,” Lydia assures him gently. “It’s not about Jackson, though it would make things a lot easier if it were.”

“Then what?”

“You don’t love me,” Lydia states with a finality Stiles can hardly bear.

“Yes I do! Of course I love you!” Stiles looks her up and down, eyebrows furrowed.

“No. You’ve never really loved me,” she whispers. “Not the way you love someone else, someone I think you’ve been gone on for years. Longer than we’ve been together.” She takes a deep breath and fuck she’s crying.

“Lydia, no. No. You can’t- I don’t-,” he stutters. “Why would you think that?”

“I didn’t,” she admits. “But I was talking to Allison and she asked about how you ever got over...Derek...and I realized you never really did, did you? And you never _loved_  me. You always thought I was brilliant and beautiful, but that’s all I ever was, right? And that’s all I’ll ever be.”

"I never loved, Derek,” Stiles protests. “Why? I never- he’s not! And you- since third grade! I-!”

Her voice breaks on the next sentence. “Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be, okay? It’s okay. I’m okay. You should go.”

“Lydia…” Stiles reaches out like he’s going to pull her back in and assure her that he only loves her, but something stops him. Some invisible force holding him back because no matter how much he doesn’t want to believe it, she’s absolutely one hundred percent right. He never did really love her. “I’m sorry.”

She nods, mouth tight, and lips pressed together. “I’m gonna go, okay? And you should too.” And then she turns on her heel and walks back through the doors. People are murmuring outside of it, but Stiles can’t bring himself to care when Scott walks in looking sorry.

“You knew, right? You knew.”

“I’m sorry. Allison’s getting everyone out now.” Scott pats Stiles’ shoulder.

“Get off me,” Stiles snaps and walks out of the church, ignoring the people pouring out and getting in his jeep. He can’t do this.

He starts to drive and wishes his mother or father was around to tell him where to go. And in the back of his mind he knows exactly where he’s going. It’s where he’s always going. Where he’ll always end up.

Derek’s new house isn’t as large as the Hale’s old house, but it doesn’t need to be. There’s only Derek and occasionally Cora and Isaac. But when Stiles parks outside of it and stares at his hands it seems absolutely massive.

Derek doesn’t come to the door when Stiles finally ascends the porch and he doesn’t expect him to. He pauses with his fist hovering over the wood. And impossibly slowly he knocks. Once. Twice. Three times.

Derek comes to the door glancing at Stiles before settling his eyes on the floor of the porch. “Isn’t your wedding today?”

“Lydia said something.” Stiles looks at the ground too. “She pulled me away from the altar, as I’m sure you can see.” He gestures to his tux even though Derek definitely can’t see it with the way he’s staring down the wood. “And told me I never loved her. And the thing is...I think she was right.”

“Oh.” Derek mumbles, but says no more. He doesn’t need to hear about how Stiles is incapable of loving people, but he’s not harsh enough to slam the door in his face. Even if is has been a year.

“She said I’m actually in love with...with you. For a long time now and I- I know she’s right.” Stiles hits his thigh with a balled hand.

Derek looks up quickly. “You made your choice. Two years ago.”

“I made the choice I thought you wanted me to make,” Stiles whispers. “I left because I thought _you_  wouldn’t ever want _me_  and. And I’m sure that’s still the truth.”

“It wasn’t ever the truth,” Derek hisses. “You never asked, you assumed. You were wrong and you never even knew it.”

Stiles nods, swallowing thickly. He speaks again with a tight voice and an ache in his throat. “I know it’s too late now, but...I thought you should know before I- I leave. I’m gonna go up north, Alaska. Clear my head.”

“You can clear your head here, I’ve got a lot of land,” Derek says, voice unchanging, face unmoving.

Stiles studies his features. “Are you- what?”

Derek steps back inviting Stiles in. “Two years is a long time. But I’ve waited longer.”

 

***Epilogue***

Light streams through the windows overhead and Stiles grumbles, burying his face in Derek’s chest.

“You should move the house so the damn sun stops shining in my eyes in the morning.” he mutters and Derek chuckles.

“You’re the one who refuses to close the curtains at night.”

“You’re the one who jumped me while I was working on my dissertation and didn’t let me get up to close them!” Stiles protests.

“Mm, yeah. I like you here.” Derek punctuates his statement by squeezing Stiles closer.

“You know what I want?” Stiles murmurs.

“Hm?”

“Well, Allison’s been sending me bump updates if that gives you a hint…”

Three minutes later Stiles can’t bring himself to care about the sun.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think in the comments or on [Tumblr](http://arsebuttock.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> [My tumblr](http://arsebuttock.tumblr.com)


End file.
